Living with an invisible illness can make this even more of a challenge. I find myself guarding myself much more around a lot of people. Many people don't know how to be around someone that lives with pain all the time. So, they may ask, "How are you?" but they're really just looking for a quick answer (i.e., "I'm okay")... and that's what they normally get. It really drains my energy to try so hard to let some people see the real me, especially if I don't feel like they really care. It's hard to open up and pour out your heart to someone, and then nothing happen.
To those in my life that I feel truly do care and want to know the real me, I'm an open book. Many (not all) of these people are friends that I've made online since the accident. We have an unspoken bond because we're each dealing with illness and pain in our lives.
But, our Lord sees the real me... "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations" (Jeremiah 1:5). I'm so grateful that He sees and loves the real me!
The Real Me by Natalie Grant
Foolish heart looks like we're here again
Same old game of plastic smile
Don't let anybody in
Hiding my heartache, will this glass house break
How much will they take before I'm empty
Do I let it show, does anybody know?
[Chorus]
But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me
Painted on, life is behind a mask
Self-inflicted circus clown
I'm tired of the song and dance
Living a charade, always on parade
What a mess I've made of my existence
But you love me even now
And still I see somehow
[Chorus]
Wonderful, beautiful is what you see
When you look at me
You're turning the tattered fabric of my life into
A perfect tapestry
I just wanna be me
[Chorus]
And you love me just as I am
Wonderful, beautiful is what you see
When you look at me
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