One of the most moving moments of my life happened December 30, 2008.
I began training for Stephen Ministry through a neighbor church in September 2008, only weeks before my October auto accident. This group helped me through some of the toughest times. They each will forever hold a dear place in my heart - for their unconditional love and care.
At the end of the December 30th meeting, all of the Stephen Ministers and Stephen Ministers in Training gathered around me, each placing a hand on me. One of the ladies began a prayer, and then many other people, one by one, prayed aloud for me. They spoke of my faithfulness, and prayed that this suffering be used to God's glory. They prayed that I find strength and peace in Christ (crawl up in Jesus' lap and ask Him to hold me). They prayed that God life the pain and discomfort. The most moving words that I heard throughout these prayers were that I was a blessing to them. This made me speechless! I feel that they were a blessing to me, and hearing that it went both ways was very humbling.
This song has helped me through many difficult times, especially since the car accident. It is such a moving song.
What Faith Can Do by Kutless
Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than just what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
Overcome the oddsYou do have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise
This is such a powerful song for me. I love Jeremy Camp's music. It always speaks straight to my heart, and inspires me to keep my chin up. May we all walk by faith.
Walk By Faith by Jeremy Camp
Would I believe you when you would say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day
Chorus:
Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me
Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do
yeah, yeah , yeah, yeah, yeah, ya
(Chorus)
Well I'm broken, but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken, pouring Your words of grace
(Chorus x2)
Well hallelujah, hallelu
(I will walk by faith)
Well hallelujah, hallelu
(I will walk by faith)
I will walk, I will walk, I will walk by faith
I will, I will, I will walk by faith
This is one of the most moving songs I've ever heard. It's difficult to keep your faith in the Lord, especially when you're in pain ALL the time. God loves us NO MATTER WHAT. We need to trust and love God unconditionally, as well. No matter what!
No Matter What by Kerrie Roberts
I’m running back to your promises one more time, Lord that’s all I can hold on to, I gotta say this has taken me by surprise, but nothing surprises you. Before a heartache can ever touch my life, it has to go through Your hands, and even though I keep asking why, I keep asking why,
No matter what, I’m gonna love You, no matter what I’m gonna need You, I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, I’ll trust you, no matter what, no matter what.
When I’m stuck and there’s nothing else by myself, I’m just sitting in silence, there’s no way I can make it without Your help, I wont even try it. I know You have Your reasons for everything, so I will keep believing, whatever I might be feeling, God you are my hope, and you will be my strength,
No matter what, I’m gonna love You, no matter what I’m gonna need You, I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, I’ll trust you, no matter what, no matter what.
Anything I don’t have You can give it to me, but it’s ok if You don’t, I’m not here for those things, the touch of Your love is enough on its own, no matter what I still love You and I’m gona need You
No matter what I’m gonna love you, no matter what I’m gonna need you, I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not , I’ll trust You, no matter what, no matter what. I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain, but if not, I’ll trust you, no matter what no matter what no matter no matter what
There are a number of songs that really speak to my aching heart and soul, especially since my car accident. This is one that I would recommend for anyone going through difficult times in his/her life. It is beautiful! Dare to believe!
Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?
Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see
Chorus:
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming
so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so just say a prayer.
and hold on, cause there's good who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming
so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
yeah, yeah,
before the morning,
yeah, yeah
Once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
memory, memory, yeah
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming
com'n, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the hurt before the healing
the pain you've been feeling,
just the dark before the morning
before the morning, yeah, yeah
before the morning
Many people wish that they could feel good, but sometimes I just wish that I couldn't feel.
So much of my life with chronic illness has been painful, and it's hard to feel all of the emotions that arise.
I don't want to feel the excruciating pain of doing even simple tasks.
I don't want to feel the sadness I see in my family's eyes... or my own eyes.
I don't want to feel the helplessness of not being able to care for myself.
I don't want to feel the hopelessness that this pain may never go away.
I don't want to feel like the burden I feel I've become.
I don't want to feel the frustration of not being able to know or express what I need.
I don't want to feel the guilt for not knowing how to ask others to help me.
I don't want to feel the loneliness... the anger... the disappointment...
The "what if's" come streaming in and just worsen the depression and raise the anxiety.
All of these feelings bombard me almost constantly.
But, I do want to feel thankful for the love of all those caring and praying for me.
I want to feel (even the smallest) glimmer(s) of hope.
I want to feel a sense of pride, when I've accomplished a difficult task or project.
I want to feel connected to myself and to others.
I want to feel my faith in God grow stronger and deeper.
I want to have faith that God is and will use me to glorify Him.
"You can complain that roses have thorns, or you can rejoice that thorns have roses." (Tom Wilson, from comic strip "Ziggy")
I guess we must accept the thorns, if we are to enjoy the roses.
I decided to sit down this afternoon and start reading The Dream Giver, by Bruce Wilkinson (with David and Heather Kopp). I never expected to become so captivated by the book that I would complete the entire thing in one afternoon/evening.
This book was EXACTLY what I needed to read/hear right now. I feel like I'm at such crossroads in my life... feeling lost, confused, and scared... and the Lord used this book to speak to my heart.
Wilkinson's book is in two parts. In Part I, he tells "The Parable of the Dream Giver" -- this is a wonderful parable. Part II is "The Journey to Your Big Dream." He posits that every person has a Big Dream that God places in his/her heart (often referred to as one's calling). He speaks to the various stages (including the different types of obstacles) of the journey toward fulfilling that Dream. The book has A LOT in it. It is filled with deep meaning, but is structured in a simple manner.
While I still have much to think about and consider after reading this book, I feel like I already have a better understanding of my journey. I still cannot clearly state what my Big Dream is, but it is beginning to come into better focus.
We must first recognize what our Big Dream is. Once we decide to pursue it, we are faced with a struggle (with ourselves) to move out of our Comfort Zone. However, there are plenty of other obstacles that we will face along the journey.
One of the parts of the book that really touched me was that it is often the people that are closest to us that may question or oppose our decision to pursue our Dream. I have definitely experienced this. But I now have a different perspective and better understanding about where this opposition is coming from.
The part of the book that really touched me was about the WasteLand, where "we encounter a series of unexpected trials that never seem to end. No one prepared us for this. Delays and setbacks drag on. Soon, disappointment sets in. Eventually we begin to think we should abandon our Dream" (p. 116). However, the "WasteLand happens for a good and important reason: It is an invaluable season of preparation. It is the place where God transforms you into the person who can do your Dream" (p. 117). The WasteLand is a place where your faith is tested. "When God seems absent and everything is going wrong, will you still trust God enough to patiently allow Him to prepare you for what's ahead?" (p. 119). This bold question pierced my soul. I have often prayed that God make me into the person I am meant to be, so that I can do what He calls me to do. I guess I never imagined that such tests and suffering could result from such a prayer.
I still do not know what the Lord has in store for me, and I do not know what he will use these current trials and suffering for. But I trust that He has something wonderful in store for me, and that gives me some peace.
